A Conversation: My Story, part 2

“Hey babe?” the husband says in an insecure tone as if he’s asking my permission to speak, unsure of how I will respond.

I look up from my phone at my husband sitting in the chair across the room.

“There’s something that has been bothering me the past couple days and I really need to talk to you about it.”

I don’t immediately grasp the level of seriousness this conversation will hold. I’m waiting for a response such as “I’m not sure about the path I want to take in my career,” or “I’m having a hard time dealing with the pressures of work.” Of course these would be serious topics, but they would not be out of the blue or life-shattering.

“What is it?” I ask, ready to console my husband and tell him everything will be okay.

“Did you know Joseph Smith practiced polygamy and some of his wives were as young as 14 years old?” he blurts out as if the words have been swelling up in the back of his throat like vomit he could no longer hold back.

I am still calm, not sure where this conversation is going yet. “No. Where did you hear that?” I ask in disbelief.

“There’s this article that popped up in my newsfeed the other day. Of course I was curious because it was about Mormons. It said some pretty crazy stuff. But the scary part is, I think a lot of it might be true.”

“Like what?” I am sitting up straight now, my mind and body on high alert. My internal defense system has been triggered.

“Well, Joseph Smith’s polygamy, for starters. And some other stuff. Like, did you know that Joseph translated the Book of Mormon by looking at a stone inside a hat?”

“I thought he used the Urim and Thumim. I’ve never heard of a stone in a hat. I don’t believe that.”

“I can send you the article. But what is really bothering me is that I need to know the truth. I can’t believe I’m 33 and I’ve never heard of this stuff. I feel like I’ve been lied to my whole life. I need to do some research and get to the bottom of this.” The husband moves from the chair to the couch and holds my hands in his. “I don’t want to live a lie.”

I am now in panic mode. I wonder if he is really saying what I think he’s saying.

“What do you mean?” I ask, not sure whether I want him to answer that.

“I mean, if the church wasn’t true, would you want to know?” he asks.

My mind says yes but my gut says no. My logic wins out and I hesitantly say “yeah, I…I would want to know the truth.” The words hang in the air as my shoulders fall and my body slumps down along with the sinking feeling in my gut. A voice inside me cries “No, no! Don’t let things change.” But that voice is stifled by the curiosity and reason in me. I know I gave the right answer, even if I didn’t want to.

“Me too,” the husband whispers as he pulls me into an embrace that hides the tears streaming down his face, and mine.

********************************************************************************************

After reading this post, my husband claims that I make it seem all very abrupt, as if he went from one question about polygamy to total disbelief in no time at all.  He assures me that is not how it happened.  But this is MY story and how I saw it.  Obviously, its not the exact words we said and was written long after the actual conversation so I may have mis-represented him, but I can verify that it accurately portrays how I felt.  Maybe I can convince him to tell his side of the story at some point!

One thought on “A Conversation: My Story, part 2

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s